How to shake hands well. The male manager walked into the female manager’s office and greeted her with a handshake. The shake felt wimpy to her. She immediately thought, “Ugh, what a handshake.” He sensed her unease and thought, “Oh great, one of those types of women.” And the conversation went down hill from there. An isolated business situation? Not at all. The majority of women report to me that they dislike the handshakes that they receive from most men. Did you know that men? Women talk about the lousy shakes you give them.

But whoa, women get lousy shakes because they encourage them. When a lot of women extend a hand to shake they motion palm down, reaching only about eighteen inches from their waist. The man clasps the woman’s fingers, not her palm and it results in an “icky” handshake for both people. Instead, a woman should tilt her hand upwards, ever so slightly, and extend her arm the full length. The goal is to get palm to palm, not fingertips to palm. By extending her arm it sort of becomes a “put ‘er there” shake like men give to each other. The simple physical gesture of palm up and extended arm can set a totally different tone for the meeting.

Men meanwhile report to me they generally feel uncomfortable shaking hands with women, not knowing who should initiate the shake. Old etiquette says “wait until the woman extends her hand” but that is not for today. Men should just as readily shake hands with a woman they meet as they would with a man. Men, don’t hesitate. Most women do not interpret it as good manners. Instead they’ll think you don’t want to shake their hand. Too often an act out of innocence or ignorance is interpreted as arrogance.

What’s interesting is what the left hand does during a handshake. When John F. Kennedy was running for president of the U.S. he commissioned a study to determine the most effective handshake. The study resulted in Kennedy giving a double handshake. The left hand is cupped under the clasped hands and held for three pumps instead of one. (The idea is to hold on few seconds longer than just offering a flea-flicker, perfunctory shake.) The use of a second hand is supposed to convey extra warmth and sincerity. The further up the other person’s arm the more sincerity. The left hand can be placed on the other person’s elbow or shoulder. You can even extend the handshake into a corporate hug where pelvises don’t touch. John Krebbs, president of Parker Company, says he gives a bear hug to people he meets for the first time, “They either relax and enjoy it or go catatonic. But they never forget it.” And that’s what your handshake should do for people. In a positive way, make it one they will never forget.

I was in a Mexican restaurant in Southern California. And I noticed a number of people going to a corner of the restaurant where the manager had set up office. One person after another was escorted to him. He would stand up, shake hands, have them sit and talk for about three minutes. Shake hands goodbye, and the individual was escorted out. After about an hour of watching this where nearly twenty people had been put through the ritual, I went over to the manager and asked, “You’re apparently interviewing people for positions here. I notice you only spend a couple of minutes with each person. What can you tell in that short amount of time about the person?” He said, “I decide whether I want to talk to them again.” “How to you decide?” I asked. “By their handshake!”