The boss can be the ideal cheerleader for each talented, hard-working member of his or her team. Yet practically everyone in the work world can identify with the experience of not getting along with the person in charge. Employees are given occasions to think, “My boss doesn’t like what I do,” or “I can’t seem to please him,” or, worse yet, “My boss doesn’t like me.”

No matter who you are, your relationship with your boss is crucial, and careful thought—not emotional reaction—is fundamental to your success. Reflect on what is happening between you and your boss on the job. Do not put on blinders and hope the situation will go away. And do not lower your head and run for the door. Instead, if you think your boss has it in for you, follow each of these five steps:

Stay cool and collected. Feeling worried and full of angst adds to your discomfort and likely will hurt your work performance. Stay the course. Do not immediately change how you are or what you are doing to try to please anyone. Definitely do not quit—at least yet.

Intelligently observe. A supervisor’s actions seldom are blatant; stuff does not just happen out in the open. Consider that perhaps your boss is tough on you to challenge you and help you grow. Before you conclude that he or she has it in for you, confirm that three or more of the following are happening:

• You receive a performance review of “did not meet expectations” instead of your usual “exceeds expectations.”

• Your boss constantly double-checks your work.

• You find yourself out of the loop or the last person to know things on a repeated basis.

• Your authority is disregarded.

• The number of people who report to you is significantly reduced.

• You suffer notable indignities, such as being reprimanded in a meeting or publicly criticized.

• You repeatedly are passed over for better assignments.

• You get unreasonable assignments that are impossible to complete in the time allowed.

Pay attention to how your boss interacts with others, particularly employees he or she favors, and compare what you observe to your own experiences. Discuss what you see with a mentor. Do not talk about it with someone who could inflame your emotions over the situation, such as your spouse or mother.

Ask yourself how your boss is getting along in the company. He or she may be the very person the company is planning to fire.

Address the situation head on. Meet with your boss eyeball to eyeball. Bring your observations to the table, get the issues out in the open, and have a frank discussion. Ask about the situation and ask earlier rather than later. Ask in a style that is not accusatory, emotional or threatened. Rely on facts to make your points and do not be confrontational.

Simply ask, “What can we do to have a better working relationship?” Whatever you learn, reply that you will think about what your boss has said. In other words, acknowledge the disagreement.

Also ask what is necessary to remedy the situation and seek truly and unemotionally to understand what you need to do to be successful.

There is a caveat to being up front about the situation: if your boss truly has it in for you, he or she most likely will neither respond nor listen to you. Bear in mind that the type of person who abuses power and acts on resentment takes pleasure in confronting and being confronted by others.

Do not take it personally. Honestly think about what you heard your boss say. He may be wrong but he may be right, and he is stating his position based on his own experience. The fact that you two haven’t clicked does not mean you are a bad person who is doing poor work and needing to find a new job.

Allow yourself time to think about the situation, then ask for another meeting and offer a compromise that could work for both of you. Schedule a time to revisit your progress. In the meantime, truly do your part to achieve the compromise. If your boss doesn’t abide by the agreement, prepare to take further action.

Assess your boss’s standing in the organization. Is your boss well respected within the organization and part of the inner circle? If not, scout for a different job within the company, ideally with the boss's staunchest competitor or adversary. This person will empathize with your situation and help you transfer into his or her camp.

If, on the other hand, your boss belongs to the inner circle of power and is expected to be with the company another 5 to10 years, make the effort to apply these steps, but realize that you may have to quit.

Go higher up the ladder of authority. First, communicate to your boss that you do not think the compromise is working. You might say, "I wonder if it would make sense to run this by a third party," and use the words “our joint boss.” Point out that the situation needs to be viewed from another perspective and say you want to talk with human resources or a supervisor at a higher level.

Explain to your boss that you both can attend this meeting and that while you never would speak behind his or her back, you also will not allow the situation to fester. Now do what you said you would—schedule the next meeting and do it soon. Prepare for the meeting like any highly skilled trial lawyer prepares for court: anticipate what your boss will say in the meeting before that day arrives.

At this point, the situation will have given you tremendous experience in communicating and negotiating with integrity. You also may decide that, despite these efforts, it’s just not worth staying with the company. But when you leave, you can depart feeling good about how you handled the situation—no regrets.